Session Review (August 30)

Session Review (Aug 30, 07 - Respecting and expressing Feelings)

 

How much are we trained to express our feelings in a right way? Are we teaching our kids the same? When I get irritated or angry over somebody and end up shouting or blaming the other person, am I expressing my feeling in a right way? What is my child learning out of it - vent out your anger and frustration on somebody else, blame your surroundings, the situation, and the other person or even the society for ones feelings rather than taking responsibility for ones feelings.  

 

Similarly why praise the child for anything good he or she does by saying "You made me HAPPY or PROUD" Why connect our feelings to something good or bad or somebody else's feelings? By praising am I indirectly sending a message to the child to forget his happiness and keep doing things to make others happy? Am I putting an unknown fear in the child not to do anything that might upset others? Why not instead of saying "I am proud of you when you did so and so" say "you must be proud of yourself when you did so and so"

 

Also, why when someone says good or bad things to me, makes me happy or sad. Why my feelings depend on what others are feeling about me? Those are not my feelings. Then why do I end up taking somebody else's feelings personally. Why not look into myself and see if that person is really right or wrong, what caused that person say so than focusing on what he/she said.

 

Why not train ourselves as well as our kids to take responsibility of our own feelings. But HOW? I am so lost! This part I am finding most difficult to handle! Being aware of how I and my child should express our intense feelings and seeing both of us doing the opposite is making me sad and confused than ever.

 

What do I mean by respecting somebody? Is it just about respecting someone who is higher in age, position or education or is it much more than that? How about respecting someone lower than me in age, position or education?   Don't they too deserve respect? But respecting what? Respecting others as well as my feelings, intentions, values, thoughts, actions and choices one make. Why not respect children as we respect adults? Do we always respect their feelings, intentions, actions and the choices they make? Need to explore respecting, especially in different situations.  

 

 

Anu