JULY 12, 2007
The following quote was up on the whiteboard during
this session:
We'll forget what somebody said
We'll forget what somebody did
But we'll always remember how
Somebody made us FEEL!
So true, so true.
A big lesson learned during this session for me was:
When children are being emotional (be it angry,
anxioius, frightened, etc.), take care of their
emotional needs first by acknowledging their feelings
in a non-judgemental way. Examples are "You seem to
be bored." or "You are very sad right now." [It's okay
if you don't name the right emotion; chances are that
you will be in the ballpark and the child will correct
you anyways.] Such statements will show the child
that you are trying to connect with her and that her
feelings and needs are important to you.
Acknowledging a child's feelings normally leads to her
becoming aware of her own emotions, which in turns
leads to the child becoming calmer and eventually,
changing her behaviour.
Try NOT to:
• Ask "why" questions (e.g., why are u crying?)
• Ask a question with an imbedded "why" in it (e.g.,
are you crying because…?)
• Offer solutions (e.g., why don't you play with Akhil
instead?). A note about this item: We adults tend to
offer solutions almost as a knee-jerk reaction when
confronted with an emotional child. In the interest
of raising an independent child, it is more effective
to let the child work through the problem on his own
(which he'll be able to do once he becomes aware of
his emotional state -- because you've acknowledged his
feelings nonjudgementally (smile!)), and let him come
up with solutions. Be patient! This will naturally
take time for him to figure out.
• Deny the child's feelings (e.g., "why are you scared
-- there's nothing to be scared of")
• Offer immediate physical comfort – let the child
give you signals that she would like a hug or wants to
be held. Offering physical comfort frequently stems
from fulfilling your own needs.
• Give pity (e.g., "you poor child…")
The above approach also applies when dealing with
emotional adults.
In any given emotional situation, think how you'd like
to be responded to. Let that be your guide.
Remember that an emotional person is normally looking
for ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her feelings.
And if you are say, overwhelmed with anger, just
saying to yourself "I am angry" -- in the moment --
(i.e., becoming aware of and acknowledging the
emotion), will probably calm you down.
GRAPHIC ORGANIZERS
We tell our children to study hard (and long). But we
should actually be telling them to study smart.
Nowadays, most of study time is devoted to
memorization, rote learning. Very little time is
spent on understanding concepts.
Wouldn't it be better (for the child atleast) if the
reverse were true? The goal would be to spend:
More time for understanding concepts
Some time for organizing
Little time for memorizing
Graphic organizers facilitate learning by helping
organize our thoughts and facts.
Graphic organizers have been used historically in the
Hindu culture in South Indian temples, with Mandalas.
-- by Sujata Aji
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